Justin Halpern
Born: 01-01-1980
Justin Halpern is an American author and humorist best known for his bestselling book "Sh*t My Dad Says," which originated from his popular Twitter feed of the same name. Born in San Diego, California, Halpern's candid and witty writing captures the humorous yet poignant insights from his father's blunt remarks. He has also worked as a screenwriter and producer, contributing to television adaptations and various media projects.
Book summaries for books written by Justin Halpern
Quotes
That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.
A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed.
You worry too much. Eat some bacon...What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.
Remember this: you're just a lucky little shit who got hitched to a good woman.
I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly.
Sometimes life leaves a hundred-dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you.
You sure do like to tailgate people...Right up until they drive slower than you want them to. Then you hate them.
Everyone thinks their opinion matters. Don't argue; just say 'You're right' and walk away.
Stop trying so hard to be happy. Just be yourself; it makes the world a hell of a lot easier to deal with.
You thought it was hard? If kindergarten was hard, I got some bad news for you about the rest of life.
You can watch the house for a week, but you can't watch a month.
Don't be a smartass. I'm the only smartass in this family. And don't make that face, because you're not that good looking.