"I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" Quotes

The drunker I got, the more I loved everything.

I don't care if it's the most awesome thing on the planet, if it's not making me happy, I'm not doing it.

I’m not a writer, I’m just a guy with a lot of outrageous stories.

There is no such thing as a terrible idea when you are drunk.

Sometimes you have to be a dick to get what you want.

When you make fun of someone, you should always make fun of yourself first, then go after them.

I’m not saying I’m an addict, but I am a fucking alcoholic of epic proportions.

I think the only time I’ve ever been depressed was when I was trying to be something I wasn’t.

I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.