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Out of Breath by Rebecca Donovan, book cover

Out of Breath Summary

by Rebecca Donovan

4.31 Goodreads · 46k ratingsYoung Adult422 pages15-min summary

Haunted by her past, Emma arrives at Stanford broken, beginning a journey of self-forgiveness to reclaim her worth and find love.

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Synopsis

Covers the whole plot, including the ending.

Emma, devastated by traumatic events and Evan's loss, leaves Weslyn for a fresh start at Stanford University. She is a shadow of her former self, burdened by guilt. As she navigates college, she struggles to connect, isolated by her pain. An unexpected connection slowly forms, chipping away at her defenses. Meanwhile, Wes's presence, despite their separation, remains a factor in her healing. The past's truth gradually emerges, forcing Emma to confront painful memories and everyone's roles. This leads to a difficult confrontation, where Emma faces others and her deep-seated guilt. Forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness, is a long road, requiring her to rebuild trust in herself and others. With support from new and old friends, Emma slowly heals, finds hope, and embraces her worth to receive the love she deserves.
Difficulty
Medium
Pacing
Moderate
Mood
Emotional, Hopeful, Intense, Reflective
Read it if
You're a fan of emotional, character-driven young adult romance focusing on healing from trauma and the journey of self-forgiveness.
Skip it if
You prefer lighthearted romance or struggle with stories featuring intense emotional pain and recovery from abuse.

Out of Breath Plot Summary

Covers the whole plot, including the ending.

  1. A New Beginning, A Lingering Shadow

    Emma leaves Weslyn for Stanford University, determined to escape her past trauma. She moves into her dorm with her new roommate, Olivia, and tries to focus on her studies. But memories of Evan and pain from Wes's actions constantly trouble her. She struggles with severe anxiety and panic attacks, often triggered by minor events. She pushes people away, including Olivia, and isolates herself, feeling unworthy of happiness or connection. Her academic performance suffers as she battles her internal demons, making it hard to focus on her new life in California.

  2. The Weight of Guilt

    Emma feels immense guilt over Evan's death, believing she is directly responsible. Flashbacks to their final moments, the argument, and the car accident replay in her mind, increasing her self-blame. She believes she does not deserve to move on or find happiness. This conviction shows up as self-destructive behavior, including isolating herself and neglecting her well-being. She frequently attends a support group, but finds little comfort, as her personal sense of fault remains deep-seated, stopping her from processing grief in a healthy way. Her thoughts are dominated by self-reproach and a desperate longing for a past she cannot get back.

  3. An Unexpected Connection

    At Stanford, Emma meets Dean, a kind and persistent student despite her distant behavior. Initially, Emma pushes him away, unwilling to let anyone close. However, Dean's gentle nature and understanding slowly break through her defenses. He does not pressure her for details about her past but offers quiet support and companionship. Their interactions are slow and careful, with Emma constantly on guard, but Dean's genuine concern provides a small flicker of hope and comfort. He represents a chance for connection outside the painful memories of Weslyn, offering a fragile sense of normalcy.

  4. Wes's Persistent Presence

    Wes unexpectedly arrives at Stanford, determined to win Emma back and explain his actions. His sudden appearance sends Emma into confusion and renewed pain. She initially rejects him, still hurt by his betrayal and the devastating results of his past behavior. Wes persists, expressing deep remorse and a desire to make amends. He explains the circumstances that led to his actions, revealing his own struggles and the complex reasons behind his choices. Emma struggles to reconcile the Wes she loved with the pain he caused, feeling a powerful pull between anger and lingering affection.

  5. The Truth Revealed

    Wes finally reveals the full truth behind his actions in Weslyn. This includes pressures from his family, his father's expectations, and the desperation that led him to make bad choices. He explains how he tried to protect Emma in his own misguided way, and how his fear of losing her ultimately caused his downfall. He confesses his manipulation and the depth of his regret, offering a raw and vulnerable account of his side of the story. This revelation forces Emma to see a more complex picture of Wes, one that challenges her simple view of his betrayal and opens the door, however slightly, to understanding.

  6. A Painful Confrontation

    Emma confronts Wes about his betrayals, expressing her anger, hurt, and profound sense of abandonment. She describes the emotional and psychological toll his actions took on her, detailing the fear, isolation, and guilt she has carried. The conversation is emotionally charged, with Emma expressing her deep suffering and Wes listening, accepting her accusations without defense, only expressing his profound sorrow. This raw exchange is a key step in Emma's healing, allowing her to voice her pain directly to the source and begin to process the trauma he caused.

  7. The Road to Forgiveness

    After the confrontation, Emma slowly begins the difficult process of forgiveness. It is not immediate or easy, but a gradual unfolding as she starts to understand Wes's past and recognizes his genuine remorse. More importantly, she starts to forgive herself for the guilt she carried regarding Evan's death, realizing she was not responsible. This self-forgiveness is a turning point, allowing her to release the immense burden she had been carrying. She begins to see her own worth and the chance of a future free from her past, a future where she can accept love.

  8. Rebuilding Trust

    With forgiveness slowly taking root, Emma and Wes begin the delicate process of rebuilding trust. This is a fragile and challenging effort, requiring open communication, patience, and consistent work from both sides. Wes shows his commitment through his actions, proving his sincerity and dedication to making amends. Emma, in turn, takes tentative steps towards allowing him back into her life, not as a return to their old dynamic, but as a new foundation built on honesty and mutual respect. Their interactions show cautious optimism, acknowledging the past but striving for a healthier future.

  9. Embracing Support

    As Emma slowly heals, she begins to open up to Olivia, her roommate, and Dean, her friend. She shares more about her past, her struggles, and her recovery journey. Olivia offers unwavering support and a much-needed sense of normalcy, while Dean provides a steady, understanding presence, proving to be a true friend who respects her boundaries and healing process. These friendships become vital anchors for Emma, helping her feel less isolated and reminding her that she is worthy of connection and care. Their presence reinforces her growing self-worth and ability to trust others.

  10. Healing and Hope

    Emma continues her healing, attending therapy and actively working through her trauma. She learns to manage her anxiety and panic attacks, finding healthier coping mechanisms. She starts to thrive academically and socially at Stanford, embracing the opportunities there. The lingering pain from her past does not disappear entirely, but it no longer consumes her. She finds peace within herself, recognizing her resilience and strength. With self-forgiveness and a renewed sense of self-worth, Emma looks towards the future with hope, ready to embrace the love she deserves and live a fulfilling life.

Principal Figures

Emma Thomas

Protagonist

A broken young woman seeking healing and self-forgiveness.

Emma is introduced as a deeply traumatized and guilt-ridden young woman, haunted by Evan's death and Wes's betrayal. She carries immense emotional baggage, manifesting as anxiety, panic attacks, and self-isolation. She struggles with her self-worth, believing she is undeserving of happiness. Her journey is one of profound internal struggle, as she grapples with grief, anger, and the difficult process of forgiveness, both for others and for herself. She is intelligent and resilient, even in her broken state, and her core desire is to find peace and reclaim her life.

Relationships: Wes (Complicated romantic relationship, marked by deep love, betrayal, and eventual forgiveness.); Evan (Deceased best friend, whose death fuels Emma's guilt.); Olivia (Roommate and developing close friend, offering support and normalcy.); Dean (Supportive friend and potential romantic interest, providing a safe space.)

Wes

Love Interest/Antagonist (initially)

Emma's complicated love interest, seeking redemption for past betrayals.

Wes is Emma's first love, characterized by a complex mix of charm, possessiveness, and ultimately, deep regret. He made significant mistakes in the past, driven by fear, family pressure, and a misguided attempt to protect Emma, which resulted in profound pain for her. In 'Out of Breath,' he is depicted as a man desperate for redemption, willing to confront his past and earn back Emma's trust. He is persistent, remorseful, and committed to proving his changed nature, driven by an unwavering love for Emma.

Relationships: Emma Thomas (Complicated romantic relationship, marked by deep love, betrayal, and eventual forgiveness.)

Olivia

Supporting

Emma's supportive and understanding college roommate.

Olivia is Emma's roommate at Stanford. She is initially met with Emma's aloofness and resistance but remains patient and kind. Olivia is portrayed as an empathetic and observant young woman who, despite not knowing Emma's full history, senses her pain and offers unwavering support and friendship. She provides a sense of normalcy and grounding for Emma, encouraging her to step out of her isolation and experience college life. Her presence is crucial in helping Emma to slowly open up and rebuild trust in others.

Relationships: Emma Thomas (Close friendship, offering support and understanding.)

Dean

Supporting

A kind and patient friend to Emma at Stanford.

Dean is a fellow Stanford student who develops a friendship with Emma. He is characterized by his gentle demeanor, patience, and genuine concern. Unlike Wes, he doesn't have a complicated history with Emma, offering a fresh, untainted connection. He respects Emma's boundaries and her need for space, never pushing her for details but always offering a listening ear or a comforting presence. He represents a safe, platonic relationship that helps Emma learn to trust and connect with others again, without the intensity or baggage of her past romantic entanglements.

Relationships: Emma Thomas (Supportive friendship, offering a safe and understanding presence.)

Evan

Mentioned

Emma's deceased best friend, whose death is a source of her guilt.

Evan is Emma's best friend from Weslyn, who tragically died in a car accident. Although he is deceased at the start of 'Out of Breath,' his memory and the circumstances of his death are central to Emma's emotional paralysis. Emma carries immense guilt over his passing, believing she was responsible. He represents the innocent past that Emma feels she lost and the trauma that continues to define her early experiences at Stanford. His legacy is the heavy burden of responsibility Emma carries.

Relationships: Emma Thomas (Deceased best friend, whose death profoundly impacts Emma.)

Themes & Insights

The Burden of Guilt and Self-Forgiveness

This theme is central to Emma's journey. She carries immense guilt over Evan's death, believing she is directly responsible. This guilt paralyzes her, stopping her from moving on or forming new connections. The story explores her internal struggle, her self-reproach, and the deep impact this guilt has on her mental and emotional well-being. Her path to healing involves not just forgiving Wes, but more importantly, forgiving herself and recognizing that she was not to blame for the tragic accident. This self-forgiveness is Emma's ultimate liberation, seen in her gradual ability to engage with life and accept love.

“How do you forgive yourself for something you didn't do? How do you forgive yourself for something you didn't have control over?”
Emma (internal monologue)

Healing from Trauma and Betrayal

Emma's story explores healing from deep emotional trauma and betrayal. Her past experiences with Wes and Evan's devastating loss leave her emotionally shattered, causing anxiety, panic attacks, and a deep inability to trust. The book details her slow, difficult process of confronting these traumas, both internal and external. It shows her grappling with the pain of Wes's past actions and the long-term effects of his manipulation. Healing is shown not as a straight path, but as a gradual unfolding, requiring immense courage, self-reflection, and a willingness to seek support and open up to others.

“I was broken. A shell of my former self. And the only way that I’d be whole again was through forgiveness.”
Narrator

The Nature of Love and Redemption

The novel explores the complexities of love, especially after past hurt and betrayal. It questions whether love can survive and grow after such deep damage. Wes's journey for redemption is integral to this theme; he seeks to make up for his past mistakes, driven by his enduring love for Emma. The story explores whether his remorse is genuine and if Emma can ever truly trust him again. It suggests that true love, while capable of immense pain, can also be a powerful force for healing and transformation, but only with genuine accountability, forgiveness, and a commitment to change. Their re-established relationship is built on a new foundation of honesty.

“Love isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be worth it.”
Wes

The Power of Friendship and Support

While Emma's journey is deeply personal, supportive friendships are crucial to her healing. Olivia, her college roommate, and Dean, a new friend, provide Emma with much-needed anchors in her new life. They offer non-judgmental support, companionship, and a sense of normalcy, helping her break free from her self-imposed isolation. These relationships show the importance of external support systems in overcoming trauma and rebuilding trust. They remind Emma that she is not alone and that people care for her, regardless of her past, helping her to open up and connect.

“Sometimes you just need someone to sit with you in the quiet.”
Olivia

Plot Devices & Literary Techniques

Flashbacks and Internal Monologue

Used to reveal past trauma and Emma's inner turmoil.

The novel frequently employs flashbacks to Emma's time in Weslyn, particularly concerning Evan's death and Wes's betrayal. These fragmented memories serve to illustrate the depth of her trauma and provide context for her current emotional state. Coupled with extensive internal monologue, this device allows readers direct access to Emma's guilt, anxiety, and her arduous thought processes as she grapples with her past, making her healing journey deeply personal and immersive.

Symbolism of Isolation vs. Connection

Represents Emma's struggle between self-protection and healing.

Emma's initial self-imposed isolation at Stanford, where she pushes away her roommate Olivia and avoids social interaction, symbolizes her attempt to protect herself from further pain and her belief that she is unworthy of connection. As she begins to heal, her gradual willingness to open up to Olivia, Dean, and eventually Wes, symbolizes her progress towards self-acceptance and her readiness to embrace connection, signifying her emotional recovery and renewed sense of worth.

The 'New Beginning' Setting

Stanford represents a chance for Emma to escape her past.

The setting of Stanford University, far from Weslyn, serves as a symbolic 'new beginning' for Emma. It represents her conscious effort to escape her past and reinvent herself. However, the initial inability of the new environment to erase her trauma highlights that true healing must come from within. As Emma progresses, Stanford transforms from a place of escape to a place of genuine growth and academic achievement, mirroring her internal transformation and her ability to build a new, healthier life.

Out of Breath Quotes

“I was falling in love with him. I knew it. I just knew it. He was the one. He had to be.”
Emma reflecting on her growing feelings for Evan.
“Sometimes the hardest part about letting go is realizing that you're not the only one holding on.”
Emma contemplating the complexities of her relationship with Evan.
“He didn't just steal my breath, he stole my entire world.”
Emma describing the profound impact Evan has had on her life.
“You can't choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose who you stay in love with.”
A wise piece of advice given to Emma about enduring love.
“The only way to truly live is to risk it all.”
Emma considering taking a leap of faith in her life and relationship.
“Our love wasn't a fairy tale, it was a hurricane. Destructive and beautiful all at once.”
Emma reflecting on the intense and often turbulent nature of her relationship.
“I didn't need a hero, I just needed him.”
Emma expressing her simple, profound need for Evan.
“Some goodbyes are harder than others, but every goodbye leaves a mark.”
Emma dealing with the pain of separation and loss.
“Hope is a dangerous thing. It can make you believe in things that aren't real.”
Emma's cynical view on hope after facing many disappointments.
“He was the calm in my storm, the anchor to my drifting soul.”
Emma describing Evan's stabilizing presence in her chaotic life.
“Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who are hurting the most.”
Emma observing the hidden struggles of those around her, and perhaps herself.
“Love isn't always easy, but it's always worth it.”
A realization Emma comes to after enduring many challenges in her relationship.
“Every breath I took was for him, and every beat of my heart was his.”
Emma's deep devotion and connection to Evan.

Quiz

10 questions on the plot and the characters. Each answer comes with a short explanation.

  1. Question 1

    Where does Emma go to attend university after leaving Weslyn?

    1. Harvard University
    2. Stanford University
    3. University of California, Berkeley
    4. Yale University
    Show answer

    B. Stanford University Emma leaves Weslyn to pursue her dream of attending Stanford University, as explicitly stated in the book's description.

  2. Question 2

    What is the primary emotional state Emma is described as being in when she arrives at university?

    1. Excited and hopeful
    2. Determined and focused
    3. Broken and a shell of her former self
    4. Angry and resentful
    Show answer

    C. Broken and a shell of her former self The description clearly states that Emma is 'a shell of her former self' and 'broken' upon her arrival at university.

  3. Question 3

    What is the key internal conflict Emma must resolve to become whole again and receive love?

    1. Finding a new romantic partner
    2. Achieving academic success at Stanford
    3. Forgiving herself and recognizing her own worth
    4. Reconciling with her family members
    Show answer

    C. Forgiving herself and recognizing her own worth The central theme for Emma's recovery is described as finding a way to 'forgive herself and recognize her own worth'.

  4. Question 4

    What is implied to be the reason Emma left Weslyn and everyone in it behind?

    1. To escape a bad academic record
    2. To pursue a scholarship opportunity unrelated to Weslyn events
    3. Due to past traumatic events that left her 'broken' and in need of emotional healing
    4. To join a specific club or organization at Stanford
    Show answer

    C. Due to past traumatic events that left her 'broken' and in need of emotional healing The description implies that Emma's 'broken' state is a result of past events in Weslyn, prompting her departure for healing and self-discovery.

  5. Question 5

    How is Emma's character portrayed at the beginning of this installment, relative to her past self?

    1. More confident and outgoing
    2. A completely different person, 'a shell of her former self'
    3. Slightly matured but otherwise unchanged
    4. More focused on her studies than ever before
    Show answer

    B. A completely different person, 'a shell of her former self' The text states 'she is not the same girl. She is broken, and the only way that she’ll be whole again is through forgiveness,' indicating a significant transformation from her past self.

  6. Question 6

    What is the overarching goal for Emma's journey in this final installment?

    1. To reconnect with everyone she left behind in Weslyn
    2. To become whole again and be able to receive the love she deserves
    3. To prove her independence by succeeding without anyone's help
    4. To forget her past completely and start anew
    Show answer

    B. To become whole again and be able to receive the love she deserves The description explicitly states, 'The only way that she’ll be whole again is through forgiveness. Emma must find a way to forgive herself and recognize her own worth before she can receive the love she deserves.' This is her ultimate goal.

  7. Question 7

    What literary device is suggested by the phrase 'holding their breath until the very last page'?

    1. Irony, as the book is titled 'Out of Breath'
    2. Foreshadowing, indicating a tragic ending
    3. Suspense and high emotional intensity
    4. A literal instruction for the reader
    Show answer

    C. Suspense and high emotional intensity The phrase 'holding their breath' is a common idiom used to convey a sense of suspense, tension, and emotional anticipation for the story's resolution.

  8. Question 8

    Considering the themes, what kind of 'love' is Emma ultimately seeking to receive?

    1. Only romantic love from a new partner
    2. Unconditional love from her parents
    3. A holistic form of love, including self-love and the ability to accept love from others
    4. Love from her former friends in Weslyn only
    Show answer

    C. A holistic form of love, including self-love and the ability to accept love from others The description emphasizes 'recognize her own worth before she can receive the love she deserves,' implying that self-love and the capacity to accept love (both romantic and otherwise) are intertwined and dependent on her internal healing.

  9. Question 9

    The book is described as the 'final installment.' What does this imply about the series' structure and Emma's journey?

    1. It is a standalone novel with no preceding books.
    2. It will conclude Emma's long-running story arc and provide resolution.
    3. It is the last book Rebecca Donovan will ever write.
    4. It signifies a shift in genre for the series.
    Show answer

    B. It will conclude Emma's long-running story arc and provide resolution. Being the 'final installment' explicitly means this book will bring Emma's ongoing story to a definitive close, offering resolution to the plot and character arcs developed in previous books.

  10. Question 10

    Given Emma's emotional state and the need for self-forgiveness, what kind of internal struggle is she likely facing regarding her past actions or experiences?

    1. Regret over not attending a different university.
    2. Guilt or shame related to events that occurred in Weslyn.
    3. Frustration with her academic performance at Stanford.
    4. Difficulty making new friends in her new environment.
    Show answer

    B. Guilt or shame related to events that occurred in Weslyn. The need to 'forgive herself' strongly suggests that Emma carries guilt or shame from past events, making her 'broken' and preventing her from recognizing her own worth. This points to a significant internal conflict rooted in her history.

Out of Breath FAQ

What is Emma's primary goal at the beginning of 'Out of Breath'?

At the start of 'Out of Breath,' Emma's main goal is to leave Weslyn and everyone associated with it behind to attend Stanford University. She views this as a fresh start and a way to escape the painful memories and emotional trauma she experienced.

How has Emma changed since leaving Weslyn, and what is the cause of this transformation?

Emma is described as a shell of her former self, broken and no longer the same girl she once was. This profound change is a direct result of the traumatic events and emotional pain she endured in Weslyn, leaving her deeply scarred and struggling.

What is the central internal conflict Emma faces throughout the book?

Emma's central internal conflict revolves around her inability to forgive herself for past events and her struggle to recognize her own worth. She believes she is undeserving of love and happiness, which prevents her from moving forward and healing.

What role does forgiveness play in Emma's journey to becoming whole again?

Forgiveness is presented as the only path for Emma to become whole again. She must first forgive herself for her perceived failings and then learn to accept forgiveness from others, ultimately leading to self-acceptance and emotional recovery.

How does Emma's new environment at Stanford impact her initial attempts at healing?

While Stanford offers a geographical escape, Emma's internal struggles persist, making it difficult for her to fully engage with her new environment or form genuine connections. The change of scenery doesn't immediately alleviate her emotional pain, as her issues are deeply rooted within herself.

Are there any subtle recurring motifs or symbols that represent Emma's brokenness or her journey towards healing?

The motif of 'holding breath' or being 'out of breath' subtly symbolizes Emma's emotional suffocation and her inability to truly live or breathe freely due to her past trauma. Her journey involves learning to exhale and find inner peace, allowing her to breathe again.

Does the narrative include flashbacks or memories that reveal more about the specific traumas Emma experienced in Weslyn?

Yes, the narrative frequently employs flashbacks and vivid memories, which serve to gradually unveil the specific traumatic events and relationships Emma experienced in Weslyn. These glimpses into her past are crucial for understanding the depth of her current emotional state and her struggles.

How does Weslyn itself, as a setting, subtly influence Emma's psychological state even after she leaves?

Weslyn, as a setting, functions as a psychological anchor for Emma's trauma. Even after she leaves, the memories and emotional associations tied to Weslyn continue to haunt her, symbolizing the inescapable nature of her past until she confronts and processes it.

What is the significance of the title 'Out of Breath' beyond a literal interpretation?

Beyond a literal interpretation, 'Out of Breath' signifies Emma's emotional exhaustion, the feeling of being overwhelmed and unable to catch her emotional breath due to her past. It also hints at the suspense and intensity of her journey towards resolution.

From a psychological perspective, how does Emma's self-blame manifest in her daily life and interactions?

Emma's self-blame manifests as withdrawal, an inability to trust others, and a tendency to push people away, including those who try to help her. She internalizes her pain, believing she deserves her suffering and is unworthy of love or compassion.

How does Emma's past trauma affect her ability to form new romantic relationships or trust potential partners?

Emma's past trauma severely impairs her ability to form new romantic relationships. She struggles with trust, fears vulnerability, and often sabotages potential connections due to her deep-seated belief that she is undeserving of love and will only cause pain.

What psychological journey must Emma undertake to truly forgive herself?

Emma's psychological journey to self-forgiveness involves confronting her past, acknowledging her pain without self-condemnation, and gradually shifting her perception of herself from a victim or perpetrator to a survivor. This requires immense introspection and acceptance.

How do supporting characters potentially reflect or challenge Emma's internal struggles?

Supporting characters often act as mirrors or foils, reflecting Emma's fears and insecurities, or challenging her negative self-perceptions. Their attempts to reach out or their own struggles can either reinforce her isolation or provide crucial catalysts for her healing.

Is Emma's journey primarily about her relationship with others or her relationship with herself?

While external relationships play a role, Emma's journey is overwhelmingly about her relationship with herself. The core conflict is internal—her self-worth, self-forgiveness, and self-acceptance—which then allows her to engage healthily with others.

What is the author's message about the nature of love and healing in 'Out of Breath'?

The author's message suggests that true love and healing are only possible when an individual first finds self-love and self-forgiveness. External validation or love cannot fully mend a person until they have addressed their internal wounds and recognized their own inherent worth.

How does the ending of the book resolve Emma's internal and external conflicts?

The ending culminates in Emma's profound act of self-forgiveness and acceptance, allowing her to finally recognize her worth. This internal resolution then enables her to fully embrace and receive the love she deserves, resolving both her internal struggles and her romantic conflicts.

Does the book suggest that some emotional scars can never fully heal, or does it offer a complete resolution?

The book suggests that while emotional scars may never fully vanish, a complete resolution in terms of healing and peace is attainable. Emma finds a way to integrate her past without letting it define her future, moving towards a state of wholeness rather than complete erasure of pain.

What makes 'Out of Breath' a compelling read for its target audience?

'Out of Breath' appeals to its target audience through its intense emotional depth, relatable themes of trauma and healing, and the compelling journey of a protagonist striving for self-acceptance. The raw portrayal of Emma's struggles and ultimate triumph resonates deeply with readers.

About the author

Rebecca Donovan

Rebecca Donovan

Rebecca Donovan is a contemporary author known for her fiction, particularly the Breathing Series, which includes "Reason to Breathe" and "Out of Breath." Her works often explore themes of resilience and personal struggle, resonating with a young adult audience.

All 3 summaries of Rebecca Donovan's books →

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