"Sh*t My Dad Says" Quotes

That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.

A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed.

You worry too much. Eat some bacon...What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.

Remember this: you're just a lucky little shit who got hitched to a good woman.

I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly.

Sometimes life leaves a hundred-dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you.

You sure do like to tailgate people...Right up until they drive slower than you want them to. Then you hate them.

Everyone thinks their opinion matters. Don't argue; just say 'You're right' and walk away.

Stop trying so hard to be happy. Just be yourself; it makes the world a hell of a lot easier to deal with.

You thought it was hard? If kindergarten was hard, I got some bad news for you about the rest of life.