Synopsis
Covers the whole plot, including the ending.
- Difficulty
- Medium
- Pacing
- Moderate
- Mood
- Heartwarming, Emotional, Thought-provoking, Resilient
- Read it if
- You enjoy heartwarming yet challenging family dramas, are interested in stories about gender identity and acceptance, or appreciate a narrative that explores the complexities of modern parenting.
- Skip it if
- You prefer fast-paced thrillers or find stories about family struggles and societal prejudice too emotionally taxing.
This Is How It Always Is Plot Summary
Covers the whole plot, including the ending.
Claude's Revelation and Rosie's Dilemma
Rosie and Penn, a couple with five sons, live in a chaotic but loving home in Madison, Wisconsin. Their youngest, five-year-old Claude, loves peanut butter sandwiches and playing dress-up. One evening, Claude tells his mother, Rosie, that he wants to be a girl when he grows up. This news, while surprising, is met with an initial attempt at understanding from Rosie, who has always encouraged her children's individuality. Penn, initially more hesitant, eventually supports Claude, though both parents struggle with how to navigate this news in a world they see as largely unaccepting. They decide to let Claude express himself privately within the family, dressing in girl's clothes at home, but maintain a facade for the outside world, particularly at school.
The Move to Seattle and Poppy's New Beginning
After an incident where Claude is bullied for wearing a dress to school, and Rosie's anxiety about his safety and acceptance grows, the family decides to move from Madison, Wisconsin to Seattle, Washington. This move is a new beginning, a chance for Claude to transition more fully. In Seattle, Claude officially adopts the name Poppy and begins living as a girl, both at home and at her new school. The older brothers—Roo, Ben, Fitz, and Finn—adjust to calling their youngest sibling 'Poppy' and using female pronouns, though the transition is not always smooth. Penn finds a job as an emergency room doctor, and Rosie continues her work as a writer, creating a children's book featuring a transgender character named Poppy.
The Secret's Strain and the Incident at School
Life in Seattle as Poppy is largely successful, but the family's secret—that Poppy was assigned male at birth—becomes a burden. The older brothers are protective, often getting into fights to defend Poppy from potential bullies or those who might question her identity. Finn, in particular, struggles with the secrecy and the constant need for vigilance. This tension ends in a significant incident at Poppy's school. While playing on the playground, Poppy is cornered by a group of boys who attempt to pull down her pants to verify her sex. Finn intervenes violently, injuring one of the boys, leading to his suspension and a deeper crisis for the family. The incident forces Rosie and Penn to confront the limits of their protective bubble.
The Family's Public Revelation and Consequences
Following Finn's violent defense of Poppy, the school and the parents of the injured boy learn of Poppy's transgender identity. This revelation shatters the family's privacy. The parents of the other boy threaten legal action, and the school struggles with how to accommodate Poppy while managing the reactions of other parents. Rosie and Penn are forced into the spotlight, facing judgment and scrutiny from their new community. They decide to be open and advocate for Poppy, but the constant pressure and the legal proceedings take a toll on their family, showing the challenges of raising a transgender child in a society that is not always understanding or accepting.
Rosie's Children's Book and Public Advocacy
Amidst the legal battles and public backlash, Rosie's children's book, 'Poppy's Pancakes,' which subtly features a transgender character, gains unexpected attention. What started as a way for Rosie to process her feelings and explain Poppy's journey to a wider audience becomes a tool for advocacy. The book is published and, while initially met with mixed reactions, eventually becomes a success, opening dialogues about gender identity and acceptance. Rosie uses her platform to speak publicly, sharing her family's story and advocating for transgender children. This act of public vulnerability, though terrifying, empowers the family and helps shift some public perception, but also exposes them to further criticism and misunderstanding.
Penn's Struggles and the Family's Resilience
Penn, a pragmatic and often quiet man, struggles deeply with the challenges of raising Poppy. His protectiveness shows differently from Rosie's, often in quiet worry and a desire to fix things. He feels the weight of the potential dangers Poppy faces and questions if they've made the right decisions. His work as an emergency room doctor, dealing with life-and-death situations, is a contrast to the emotional battles at home. Despite his internal turmoil, Penn remains a steadfast support for Rosie and Poppy. The family faces ongoing challenges, from dealing with insensitive remarks to navigating a school system that is still learning how to be inclusive. Their resilience as a unit is constantly tested, but their love for each other remains paramount.
Poppy's Growing Independence and Self-Acceptance
As Poppy transitions from childhood to adolescence, she becomes more self-assured and independent. She navigates the complexities of friendships, crushes, and fitting in, all while living openly as a transgender girl. The initial intense focus on her identity from her parents and the public slowly shifts as she matures. While the challenges don't disappear entirely, Poppy develops her own coping mechanisms and a strong sense of self. She actively participates in her own advocacy, sometimes speaking about her experiences. Her journey illustrates that while family support is important, ultimately, an individual's self-acceptance and resilience are key to thriving, even in the face of societal hurdles.
The Brothers' Evolving Relationships and Support
The four older brothers—Roo, Ben, Fitz, and Finn—grow and mature alongside Poppy. Their initial struggles with understanding and secrecy evolve into unwavering loyalty and fierce protection. Roo, the eldest, often acts as a steadying force. Ben, the most outwardly emotional, continues to be a vocal defender. Fitz, the quiet observer, offers subtle but firm support. Finn, whose protective instincts led to the school incident, learns to channel his energy more constructively. Each brother, in his own way, becomes an integral part of Poppy's support system, showing the strength of sibling bonds and the family's commitment to loving and protecting one another, regardless of external pressures.
The Enduring Nature of Family Love and Change
Years pass, and the family continues to navigate life with its ups and downs. Poppy thrives, the older boys pursue their own paths, and Rosie and Penn reflect on their journey. They come to understand that their initial anxieties and struggles were part of a larger, ongoing process of growth and adaptation. The central theme of 'this is how it always is'—that change is constant, parenting is a leap of faith, and children grow in unexpected ways—resonates deeply. The family's love, while tested, remains the foundation of their lives. They learn that while secrets can be burdensome, honesty and acceptance, even when difficult, ultimately lead to a stronger, more authentic family unit, capable of facing whatever challenges come next.
This Is How It Always Is Characters
Rosie
Protagonist
Poppy's mother, a writer who becomes a fierce advocate for her transgender daughter.
Rosie is the vibrant, often chaotic, and deeply loving mother of five boys, including Poppy. She's a writer, often working on a children's book that mirrors her family's experiences. When Claude reveals his desire to be a girl, Rosie is the first to embrace it, driven by an innate desire for her children to be authentic. She is fiercely protective, sometimes to a fault, and her anxiety about Poppy's safety and acceptance often drives the family's decisions, including their move to Seattle. She finds her voice as a public advocate, using her writing to educate and inspire.
Relationships: Penn (Husband, partner in parenting); Poppy (Claude) (Daughter, central to her advocacy and love); Roo, Ben, Fitz, Finn (Sons, part of her large, loving family)
Penn
Protagonist
Poppy's father, an ER doctor who is pragmatic and quietly supportive.
Penn is Rosie's husband and the father of their five children. He is an emergency room doctor, which gives him a grounded, often pragmatic perspective on life and its unpredictability. While initially more hesitant than Rosie about Claude's revelation, he quickly becomes a steadfast and quietly supportive father. He often carries the burden of worry internally, feeling the weight of the challenges Poppy faces. His love for his family is deep and unwavering, though he expresses it less effusively than Rosie. He is the anchor that grounds the family amidst their emotional storms.
Relationships: Rosie (Wife, partner in parenting); Poppy (Claude) (Daughter, whom he deeply loves and protects); Roo, Ben, Fitz, Finn (Sons, part of his large, loving family)
Poppy (formerly Claude)
Protagonist
The youngest child who identifies as a girl, central to the family's journey of acceptance.
Poppy, originally named Claude, is the youngest of the five children. From a very young age, around five, she expresses her identity as a girl, loving dresses and wanting to be a princess. She is sweet, observant, and remarkably resilient. As she grows, she embodies the courage to live authentically, even when it means facing misunderstanding and challenges. Her journey is the catalyst for the family's transformation and their public advocacy. She is a symbol of self-discovery and the power of individual identity.
Relationships: Rosie (Mother, her primary emotional support); Penn (Father, a steady, loving presence); Roo, Ben, Fitz, Finn (Older brothers, her fierce protectors and closest allies)
Roo
Supporting
The eldest brother, often a voice of reason and a steady presence.
Roo is the eldest of the five brothers. He is often portrayed as the most mature and responsible, a steadying force within the chaotic family dynamic. He quickly accepts Poppy's identity and takes on a protective role, often trying to mediate conflicts or provide a rational perspective. He embodies a quiet strength and loyalty, setting an example for his younger brothers in how to embrace and support Poppy.
Relationships: Poppy (Claude) (Younger sister, whom he protects and supports); Rosie (Mother); Penn (Father); Ben, Fitz, Finn (Younger brothers)
Finn
Supporting
The brother whose fierce protectiveness leads to a pivotal incident.
Finn is one of the middle brothers, known for his intense loyalty and often impulsive protectiveness of Poppy. He struggles with the burden of secrecy and the frustration of not being able to openly defend Poppy. His protectiveness culminates in a violent incident at school where he injures another boy for attempting to expose Poppy, leading to significant consequences for the family. He represents the raw, often uncontrolled, instinct to protect loved ones.
Relationships: Poppy (Claude) (Younger sister, whom he fiercely protects); Rosie (Mother); Penn (Father); Roo, Ben, Fitz (Brothers)
Ben
Supporting
The emotional and vocal brother, often quick to defend Poppy.
Ben is another of the middle brothers, often characterized by his emotional expressiveness and his quickness to speak up. He is fiercely loyal to Poppy and doesn't shy away from confronting anyone who might question her. He is a vocal defender, often getting into arguments or fights to protect his sister. His open emotions provide a contrast to Roo's calm and Finn's intensity.
Relationships: Poppy (Claude) (Younger sister, whom he vocally defends); Rosie (Mother); Penn (Father); Roo, Fitz, Finn (Brothers)
Fitz
Supporting
The quiet and observant brother, offering subtle but firm support.
Fitz is one of the middle brothers, often portrayed as more quiet and observant than his siblings. While not as outwardly vocal as Ben or as impulsive as Finn, his support for Poppy is unwavering. He offers a steady, calm presence and contributes to the family's protective circle in his own way. He represents the quieter forms of acceptance and loyalty within the family.
Relationships: Poppy (Claude) (Younger sister, whom he quietly supports); Rosie (Mother); Penn (Father); Roo, Ben, Finn (Brothers)
Dr. Miller
Supporting
Poppy's pediatrician, a knowledgeable and compassionate guide for the family.
Dr. Miller is Poppy's pediatrician, who plays a crucial role in guiding Rosie and Penn through the medical aspects of raising a transgender child. She is depicted as knowledgeable, compassionate, and a strong advocate for gender-affirming care. She provides the family with valuable information, resources, and emotional support, helping them navigate a complex and often misunderstood medical landscape. She represents the positive impact of informed and supportive medical professionals.
Relationships: Rosie (Patient's mother, advisee); Penn (Patient's father, advisee); Poppy (Claude) (Patient)
The Perrys
Antagonist
Parents of the boy injured by Finn, who instigate legal action against the family.
The Perrys are the parents of the boy injured by Finn during the school incident. They represent the societal misunderstanding and prejudice that the Walsh family faces. Initially concerned for their son, their reaction quickly escalates to anger and legal threats upon learning of Poppy's transgender identity. They are instrumental in exposing the family's secret to the wider community and instigating the legal and social battles Rosie and Penn endure. They embody the challenges and opposition the family confronts.
Relationships: Rosie (Adversary in legal and social conflict); Penn (Adversary in legal and social conflict); Finn (Attacker of their son)
This Is How It Always Is Themes
Identity and Self-Discovery
The novel explores identity, primarily through Poppy's journey of understanding and expressing her gender identity. From Claude's initial declaration to his eventual transition to Poppy, the book shows the human need to be seen and accepted for who one truly is. It also extends to the family's identity as they deal with how Poppy's truth shapes their collective self and their place in the world. Rosie and Penn's struggle to reconcile their child's identity with societal expectations is a core part of this theme, showing that identity is both internal and externally validated.
“This is how it always is: change is always hard and miraculous and hard again, parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts, children grow but not always according to plan.”
Family Love and Unconditional Acceptance
At its heart, the book is about family love. Despite the challenges, fears, and societal pressures, Rosie and Penn's love for Poppy drives their decisions and actions. The brothers' fierce protectiveness, even when expressed imperfectly, shows this theme. The family learns that unconditional acceptance means supporting a child's true self, even when it deviates from expectations, and facing the world together. Their journey illustrates that love is not always easy, but it is the foundation upon which resilience is built.
“They knew that the only thing worse than having a secret was keeping one. And the only thing worse than keeping one was trying to keep it from your own child.”
Secrecy vs. Openness
The tension between keeping Poppy's gender identity a secret and living openly is a central conflict. Initially, the family believes secrecy will protect Poppy, leading to the move to Seattle. However, the burden of the secret weighs on the brothers and ultimately proves unsustainable, ending in the school incident. The story explores the psychological toll of secrecy and the eventual liberation and strength found in openness, even when it invites scrutiny and prejudice. The family's journey from concealment to public advocacy shows the complex choices parents face in protecting their children versus empowering them to live authentically.
“Secrets were like a gas leak. They poisoned you slowly, without you even knowing it.”
Parenting and the Unknown
The novel explores the unpredictable nature of parenting. Rosie and Penn constantly deal with decisions for which there is no roadmap, from how to respond to Claude's initial revelation to navigating school systems, legal battles, and public opinion. The story shows that parenting is a continuous process of learning, adapting, and making difficult choices with the best intentions, often feeling like a 'leap into the unknown.' It challenges the idea of a 'perfect' parent and instead celebrates the courage to parent authentically and responsively to a child's unique needs, even when those needs are unexpected.
“There was no instruction manual for any of this. There was just love, and hope, and a whole lot of crossed fingers.”
Societal Acceptance and Prejudice
The book portrays the societal challenges faced by transgender individuals and their families. From the bullying Claude experiences in Madison to the legal threats and public judgment in Seattle, the novel exposes prejudice and lack of understanding. It shows the importance of safe spaces, inclusive institutions, and informed allies, while also showing the emotional and practical toll of navigating a world that isn't always ready to accept difference. Rosie's journey into public advocacy directly addresses this theme, aiming to create greater empathy and education.
“The world wasn't always ready for children who didn't fit neatly into the boxes it had already built.”
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
The Children's Book ('Poppy's Pancakes')
A meta-narrative device reflecting and processing the family's journey.
Rosie, a writer, works on a children's book throughout the novel, initially titled 'The Princess in the Peanut Butter Sandwich' and later becoming 'Poppy's Pancakes.' This book serves as a meta-narrative device, mirroring the family's own experiences with a transgender protagonist. It allows Rosie to process her feelings, explore themes of identity and acceptance, and eventually becomes a tool for public advocacy. The book's evolution reflects the family's own journey from secrecy to openness, and its eventual publication provides a platform for education and understanding within the fictional world of the novel.
The Phrase 'This Is How It Always Is'
A recurring refrain emphasizing universal truths about change, parenting, and family.
The title phrase, 'This Is How It Always Is,' is a recurring refrain throughout the novel, often appearing at pivotal moments or as a narrative reflection. It functions as a thematic anchor, connecting the specific, unique challenges of the Walsh family to broader, universal truths about life, change, and parenting. It suggests that while the specific circumstances may be extraordinary, the underlying human experiences—love, fear, adaptation, the unpredictable nature of children—are constant. This device provides comfort and a sense of shared humanity amidst the family's unique struggles.
The Five Brothers Dynamic
A symbol of overwhelming love and fierce, sometimes clumsy, protection.
The presence of five boisterous sons, all older than Poppy, is more than just a family structure; it's a significant plot device. The sheer number of brothers amplifies the chaos and love in the household, but more importantly, it creates a formidable, often overwhelming, protective shield around Poppy. Each brother embodies a different facet of sibling love and loyalty, from Roo's steady calm to Finn's explosive defense. Their collective protectiveness drives many plot points, including the move to Seattle and the critical school incident, highlighting the intense, sometimes problematic, desire to shield a loved one from a harsh world.
The Peanut Butter Sandwich
A recurring symbol of comfort, simplicity, and childhood innocence.
The peanut butter sandwich serves as a subtle but powerful symbol throughout the novel. It is Claude's favorite food, a simple, comforting staple of childhood. It represents normalcy, innocence, and the foundational aspects of a child's life. When Claude expresses his desire to be a girl while eating a peanut butter sandwich, it juxtaposes the profound nature of his revelation with the everyday simplicity of his childhood, emphasizing that his identity is an inherent part of who he is, regardless of external circumstances. It grounds the extraordinary in the ordinary.
This Is How It Always Is Quotes
“The greatest gift you can give your children is the freedom to be themselves.”
“There are a million ways to be a family, and as long as you love each other, it's the right way.”
“It's not about being a boy or a girl, it's about being happy.”
“Secrets are like bricks. They build walls.”
“Every time you tell a story, it changes. It changes a little bit in the telling, and it changes a little bit in the listening.”
“Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is just let someone be who they are.”
“There's no right way to have a family, only your way.”
“The world isn't always ready for what you have to offer, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't offer it.”
“You can't protect your children from everything, but you can teach them how to be strong.”
“The only way to get through it is to go through it.”
“Love isn't about fixing people. It's about loving them, broken pieces and all.”
“Sometimes the greatest acts of courage are the quietest ones.”
“Home isn't a place, it's the people you share it with.”
“Life is always going to be messy. The trick is to find the beauty in the mess.”
Quiz
10 questions on the plot and the characters. Each answer comes with a short explanation.
Question 1
What is Claude's initial dream when he is five years old?
- To be a superhero
- To be a doctor
- To be a princess
- To be a professional athlete
Show answer
C. To be a princess At the beginning of the story, five-year-old Claude expresses a desire to be a princess and loves wearing dresses, indicating his early gender identity.
Question 2
What food does five-year-old Claude particularly love?
- Grilled cheese sandwiches
- Peanut butter sandwiches
- Spaghetti and meatballs
- Chicken nuggets
Show answer
B. Peanut butter sandwiches The book description specifically mentions that Claude, at five years old, loves peanut butter sandwiches, a small detail that helps characterize him.
Question 3
What is the primary reason Rosie and Penn initially struggle with sharing Claude's secret with the world?
- They are worried about financial implications.
- They are not sure if they are ready to share it with the world.
- They believe Claude will change his mind soon.
- Their other children disagree with Claude's identity.
Show answer
B. They are not sure if they are ready to share it with the world. The synopsis states that while Rosie and Penn want Claude to be whoever he wants to be, they are 'just not sure they’re ready to share that with the world,' highlighting their initial hesitation and desire for privacy.
Question 4
According to the book's description, what happens to a family with secrets eventually?
- They grow stronger together.
- They get to keep them forever.
- They don't get to keep them forever.
- They become isolated from society.
Show answer
C. They don't get to keep them forever. A key theme mentioned in the description is that 'families with secrets don’t get to keep them forever,' implying that secrets will eventually come to light and cause change.
Question 5
What is implied about the nature of parenting in the book?
- It is always predictable and straightforward.
- It is a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts.
- It requires strict adherence to plans.
- It leads to children always growing according to plan.
Show answer
B. It is a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts. The description explicitly states that 'parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts,' emphasizing its unpredictable and hopeful nature.
Question 6
How many older brothers does Claude have?
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
Show answer
C. Four The description states Claude is 'the youngest of five brothers,' meaning he has four older brothers.
Question 7
The novel is described as being about which of the following concepts?
- Political activism and social reform
- Revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family
- Historical events and their impact on modern society
- The challenges of entrepreneurship in a modern economy
Show answer
B. Revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family The summary explicitly states: 'This Is How It Always Is is a novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family.'
Question 8
What is the overarching statement made about the nature of change in the book?
- Change is always easy and predictable.
- Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again.
- Change is often resisted but ultimately fruitless.
- Change is only possible with external intervention.
Show answer
B. Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again. The book's description highlights a core theme: 'Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again,' emphasizing its complex and cyclical nature.
Question 9
How does the book describe children's growth in relation to parental plans?
- Children always grow exactly according to plan.
- Children grow but not always according to plan.
- Children's growth is entirely independent of any plan.
- Children's growth is only successful when strictly planned.
Show answer
B. Children grow but not always according to plan. The description notes that 'children grow but not always according to plan,' underscoring the unpredictable nature of child development and the challenges parents face.
Question 10
What is the ultimate consequence when the family's secret about Claude 'explodes'?
- The family becomes stronger and more united immediately.
- It leads to a revelation and transformation for the family.
- The family decides to move to a new city to escape judgment.
- Claude decides to revert to his birth gender identity.
Show answer
B. It leads to a revelation and transformation for the family. The explosion of the secret is the catalyst for the novel's exploration of 'revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family,' indicating that it leads to significant changes and developments for the family as they navigate Claude's identity publicly.
This Is How It Always Is FAQ
What is "This Is How It Always Is" about?
The novel centers on the Walsh-Adams family, particularly Rosie and Penn and their five sons. Their youngest son, Claude, at age five, reveals he wants to be a girl. The story explores the family's journey of accepting and supporting Claude's gender identity, navigating societal reactions, and the profound impact this secret and its eventual revelation have on their lives and relationships.
Why should I read "This Is How It Always Is"?
You should read this book for its tender and honest portrayal of a family grappling with a child's gender identity. It offers a deeply empathetic perspective on parenting, the complexities of unconditional love, and the challenges of societal acceptance, all while maintaining a hopeful and engaging narrative.
What is the background/setting of "This Is How It Always Is"?
The story primarily unfolds in the contemporary United States, moving from their home in Madison, Wisconsin, to Seattle, Washington, as the family seeks a fresh start and more understanding environment for Claude, who now goes by Poppy. The settings emphasize the contrast between their initial, more insular life and their later attempts to integrate and find community.
What are the most memorable quotes?
"This is how it always is: change is always hard and miraculous and hard again." This quote encapsulates the central theme of the book, highlighting the cyclical nature of growth and challenges. Another memorable line is, "The story we tell about ourselves is the story we live," which speaks to the power of identity and narrative.
What writing style does the author use?
Laurie Frankel employs an intimate, conversational, and often humorous narrative style, frequently breaking the fourth wall to address the reader directly. Her prose is rich with metaphors and personal reflections, creating a sense of immediacy and emotional connection that makes the complex subject matter accessible and deeply felt.
What minor details add significant meaning?
The recurring motif of Rosie's fairy tales, initially told to her sons, evolves to reflect Claude's journey, subtly illustrating the family's changing understanding of identity and happily-ever-after. Also, the family's choice of names for their children – all starting with 'C' – subtly underscores their desire for a cohesive family unit, even as Claude's identity challenges their preconceived notions.
What are some subtle foreshadowing moments?
Early in the book, Claude's consistent preference for traditionally feminine clothes and toys, even before verbally articulating a desire to be a girl, subtly foreshadows his later revelation. Penn's anxieties about his children's futures, especially their vulnerability to the world, also hint at the protective measures they will later take for Claude/Poppy.
What unexpected character connections exist?
The unexpected connection between Rosie and her former college professor, Professor Stein, who becomes a source of guidance and support for the family as they navigate Claude's transition, proves significant. Additionally, the bond that forms between Poppy and her new friends in Seattle, particularly Fiona, highlights the importance of peer acceptance and chosen family outside the initial family unit.
What are unspoken character motivations?
Penn's initial reluctance to fully embrace Claude's identity stems from an unspoken fear for his child's safety and the desire to protect Claude from a harsh world, rather than a lack of love. Rosie's drive to move the family to Seattle is motivated by an unspoken need to rewrite their narrative, escaping the judgment and discomfort they felt in Wisconsin and creating a new, more accepting reality for Poppy.
What psychological complexities do characters exhibit?
Rosie struggles with the psychological complexity of balancing her fierce protectiveness of Poppy with the need to allow her child to live authentically, experiencing moments of self-doubt and guilt over the family's secret. Penn grapples with his own evolving understanding of gender and identity, challenging his preconceived notions of masculinity and fatherhood while striving to be a supportive parent.
What are the major emotional turning points?
A major emotional turning point is when Claude first articulates wanting to be a girl, forcing Rosie and Penn to confront their deepest assumptions about their child. Another significant moment is the family's decision to move to Seattle, symbolizing their commitment to Poppy's transition and their willingness to uproot their lives for her well-being, marking a shift from secrecy to cautious openness.
How do relationship dynamics evolve?
The relationship between Rosie and Penn is tested and strengthened, evolving from a comfortable partnership to one deeply bonded by shared struggle and unwavering mutual support for their child. The dynamics among the five brothers also shift, with the older boys initially struggling with the secret but ultimately growing into fierce protectors and advocates for Poppy, demonstrating a profound evolution in sibling love and loyalty.
Which parts remain ambiguous or open-ended?
The long-term societal acceptance and the full extent of the challenges Poppy will face as she grows up are left somewhat open-ended, reflecting the ongoing nature of such journeys. While the family finds a measure of peace, the narrative acknowledges that life's complexities and new challenges will inevitably arise, leaving the future for Poppy and the family hopeful but not entirely resolved.
What are controversial scenes or decisions?
The family's decision to keep Claude's gender identity a secret from nearly everyone, including their extended family and friends, for an extended period, is a controversial choice. This secrecy leads to misunderstandings and hurt, particularly with Penn's parents, sparking debate about the ethics of withholding such significant information and its impact on honesty within relationships.
''This Is How It Always Is'' ending explained: how it ends & what it means
The book ends with the Walsh-Adams family, now living in Seattle, having largely embraced Poppy's identity and finding a community that accepts them. While not a perfectly wrapped-up 'happily ever after,' the ending signifies a profound shift towards acceptance, love, and authenticity. It means that while challenges and changes are constant ('this is how it always is'), the family has learned to navigate them with open hearts, prioritizing their child's happiness and well-being above societal expectations.
About the author
Laurie Frankel is an author known for her fiction, including the novel "This Is How It Always Is," which explores themes of family and identity. Her work often delves into complex emotional landscapes and societal issues, resonating with a wide audience. Frankel's writing has garnered attention for its insightful portrayal of contemporary life.
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